Self-Reflection and Self-Responsibility

Much ofthe time, we are so busyworking and struggling to keep our heads above water that we don’t have time to self-reflect. We suppress, depress, repress (numb out) and project our self-blame. This is a great tragedy for our nation. These defenses, which keep us from correcting our mistaken beliefs about ourselves, also keep us less in touch with the beauty and wonder of who we are.

The United States, for example, is also a very litigious society. I believe this is because people feel stronger when they are angry and blaming than when they are feeling hurt and disappointed. Feelings of hurt and disappointment tend to make us feel young, vulnerable and disempowered. This is usually because the mostly subconscious beliefs that we are reacting to originated when we were, in fact, young, vulnerable and without power

Another reason I believe that the U.S. is litigious is that many people are burdened with unconscious and unresolved self-blame and find it hard to take self-responsibility fortheir actions. This realization came to me after I spent a great amount of time in Switzerland. There, for example, when a painter takes a lunch break and leaves a can of paint where he orshe was working and another person trips over it, the attitude would be ―Why weren’t you watching where you were walking?‖ In theU.S., the individual who tripped would sue, blaming the painter for negligence and not accepting his or her own self-negligence and lack of responsibility. My educated guess is that many Americans avoid responsibility because to do so would trigger their unresolved and painful self-blame. Istrongly believe that we willstay a stressed and violent society until we create the supportive space needed to face and correct our painful beliefs.

Blamelessness does not mean irresponsibility. Here’s an example, if I accidentally knock over and break your antique Ming vase, I am responsible and I will write a check for a million dollars to compensate you, but I will not allow you to yell at me, call me names or abuse me in any way. My accident does not make me a bad person, just a clumsy one. Even if I deliberately knock over your vase, I am still responsible and I am still not bad. I willstill need to pay you the million dollars, and I will have to explore my true motivation for deliberately breaking your vase. You also have a responsibility to be wary, that is, until my troubled mind is healed, you should not allow me to come near your other precious belongings