True Recognition of What Is

 

had been resisting reality all my life—resisting facing it, resisting accepting it, resisting feeling it. … When I dropped my stance of resistance I felt totally connected to myself. … It was … my life’s first conscious moment of peace. —Gay Hendricks

The first aspect of love is true recognition of what is. Though this might seem simple and straightforward, we encounter situations and circumstances in our daily life that we find disturbing: things that are scary, angering, guilt-inducing or saddening. Of course, we also observe actions that warm our hearts: generosity, consideration, gentleness and loving kindness.

My Qi Gong teacher, Dr. Effie Chow, back in 1987, through the use of muscle testing, was able to demonstrate that merely observing acts of kindness will energetically strengthen our body/mind and that observing acts of unkindness will weaken it

Therefore, it is not too difficult to understand why, as we go through our day, we choose not to see the things around us that literally weaken our bodies. In truth, even though we might consciously or unconsciously choose to ignore these events, we do see them, and what we see does affect our energy; we are simply choosing not to consciously recognize their effect.

In some ways, this choice is a self-defense mechanism. Maybe if we stopped to console ourselves for every hurt we feel, or we demanded fairness for every injustice we experienced, or if we cried for every pain we experienced, we’d never get anything else accomplished. Still, if we could give more of our attention to accepting and resolving these experiences, we would be able to make an enormous difference in the type of energy we carry within us.

We’ve discussed the importance of responding with compassionate understanding in order to achieve true healing, and we’ve noted that we cannot reach that step without first being conscious of what mistaken beliefs are causing us to feel pain. We’ve also discussed how learned judgments, which are our beliefs of right and wrong, good and bad,cause usto feeladditionalpain. We’ve learned about using mirrors as a tool to become aware of unconscious, mistaken and pain-inducing beliefs. Now we’ll delve into judgments as they relate to our ability to recognize what is, and we’ll explore our ability to be in a state of unconditional acceptance of what is.

It is not possible to fully love without fully recognizing what is true. Because judgments are the primary blockers that prevent us from recognizing what is true, we need to understand how judgments get in the way of recognition.

Let’s say a fellow has a belief that he is not good at sports. He is also holding on to pain-inducing, judgmental beliefs that he is a failure at something he should have been good at. Where did this belief come from? When he was a teenager, the accepted belief among all the boys at his high school was that boys should be good at sports. Because he wasn’t, he believed he was not as good or as manly as the other guys, and he felt ashamed.

After high school, he joined groups that had little to do with sports. He made himself busy with other interests, avoiding peoplewho might invite himto shoot hoops orjoin a softball team. Since high school, he successfully avoided situations that would ―trigger‖ his shame and therefore he was able to keep it unconscious. However, those feelings, albeit suppressed, were still ingrained inside of him.

Life moves on. He marries and becomes a dad, and his pre-teen son loves sports. One day, his son asks him to come out to the baseball field to practice pitching and batting with him. The father immediately comes up with excuses but then sees disappointment on his son’s face. He wants to support his son, but when he thinks about sports, his old high school shame re-emerges. He is torn between the painful emotion within and the pain of disappointing his son.

He decides to employ the help of a psychotherapist. Together, they explore the roots of the belief that is causing his shame and inability to play sports with his son. Now conscious of the beliefs he has been carrying since high school, he is able to question them and let them go. He now thinks: ―Why should I feel that I need to be good at sports? How would not being good atsports have anything to do with me not being as much of a man as other guys? I am manly for being a good father and role model for my son!‖

He learns that, by his avoidance of sports, he had only been attempting to save himself from embarrassment and possible rejection. He thanks that part of himself for protecting him and, with love, let’s go of that old belief. Now that he no longer carries the belief or the shame that accompanies it, he is able to join his son on the practice field and support his son’s love of sports.