Emotional Pain and Self-Protection

What do we need to feel safe from? The answer is emotional pain—pain of rejection, of abandonment, of emotional abuse and of a sense of failure. Without these negative self-beliefs, there would be no need to be selfprotectively defensive; there would be no expectations of getting hurt and no anticipation of being punished. When we know our innocence, we can be in touch with the peace within.

Have you orsomeone you know eversaid, after hearing some good news, that theywere waiting for ―the othershoe to drop‖ or something negative to follow? Many people also confuse disappointing experiences or misfortune, such as being laid off from work because the company closed, as punishment. However, you will only ―take it personally‖ when you carry conscious and unconscious self-blaming beliefs within you. Without these damaging beliefs, you will not feel victimized or sit in hurt, anger and defeat. You will, instead, look on the brighter side of any situation and say, ―Okay, where else can I get what I need? Where can I put my energies? In what direction can I go to make a positive outcome happen?‖

You can think of it this way as well. There’s a hurt or angry or guilty child inside of you who is looking for, but not feeling deserving of, a good, loving, accepting innerparent who views him or her as innocent. Your job is to convince that child—you—that he orshe is innocent. This is not an easy task, but the child is your child, and your child needs your love and patience and understanding. Without these positive emotions, your inner child will continue to think badly of her self or him self.

I recall several clients over the years who, when asked to visualize their inner child, were so angry with their child that they didn’t want any part of them. A few other clients, when given a teddybear and asked to let it represent their youngerself, punched it and threw it against the wall. When these clients started to offer themselves patience and compassionate understanding, they were able to create a more loving relationship with their inner child and then saw this reflected in their improved relationships with others. They experienced greater feelings of peace and confidence in their everyday lives as well

Emotionalpain asksforyouracceptanceand compassion, your reassurance and understanding. It asks that you listen, accept, embrace and love every part of you. It is not an easy task. Hafiz refers to this work as the hardest work in this world. ―Just sit there right now. Don’t do a thing. Just rest. For your separation from God, from Love, is the hardest work in this world. Let me bring you trays of food and something that you like to drink. You can use my soft words as a cushion for your head.‖

Great healing will truly come when you embrace your pain rather than run from it. This concept, too, requires understanding that :

1. Your personality self (your inner relationship) and its incorrect beliefs create an energy that differs from the energy of your spirit self. 

2. The difference in this energy creates a dissonance that is experienced as pain.

3. Pain is yoursignal that correction is in order because the truth ofwho you are isinnocence—and innocence equals peace. 

4. Until you are willing to look upon your mistaken beliefs and offer your self compassionate understanding—the antidote to judgmentalbeliefs— you will deny your self peace and joy, which are the gifts of self-love that already reside in your heart, that already belong to you and are waiting for your acceptance.