Sadness about Feeling Sad

Sadness is a response to an unhappy belief and/or a sense of regret. I differentiate sadness from grief. Grief is a strong emotion that comes from the belief that someone or something has been lost, while sadness comes from situationsthatbring aboutunhappiness,like disappointment, which is not necessarily related to loss. For example, it is quite understandable for a person to experience some sadness due to not getting accepted into the college of one’s choice. But if the person cannot let go of this sadness after a reasonable amount of time, it might be because he orshe is feeling sadness about being sad.

To overcome such situations of sadness, we must first explore our belief about feeling sad in general. Maybe we believe we should not be experiencing sadness and should accept what is and go forward with a positive attitude. Maybe we believe it is not, somehow, okay to feel sad for our self. When we cannot accept our sadness, it lingers, and then we feel even sadder. In this case, we are both not accepting our sadness and suppressing it as well. Or we might believe that because we feel so sad and can’t seem to get beyond that feeling of sadness, we are destined to a life of sadness. This would certainly be a belief that would make anyone sad.

These three examples of double whammies demonstrate how beliefs and emotions can become so complex that we can begin to feel powerless when enmeshed in that grip. Being mindful, possibly by keeping a journal, being in a counseling relationship or support group, or by doing a self-dialoguing technique called ―Focusing‖ can keep us self-aware and ready to quickly correct whatever needs correcting, thus reducing our pain and furthering our growth.

What Does Not Need Correcting  

It is also equally important to recognize ―what is‖ that does not need correcting. When we stay in gratitude for our self-loving actions, this acknowledgement strengthens our relationship with our self, builds our identity as a selfloving person, and feeds both our happiness and our health.

I developed the following ―Daily Exercise‖ to help my clients build a positive self-relationship. Every day, sometime after dinner but before you are too tired to remember the events of your day, write down the following three statements, being specific and starting each sentence with:

I, (your name) acknowledge and thank myself for… 

1. … the ways I responded to my inner needs, both physical and emotional (i.e. hunger, tiredness, upset), with care, kindness, patience and acceptance today.

2. … the ways Istayed true to my self today (i.e. spoke up on my behalf; spoke my truth about my wants, needs, concerns). 

3. … the ways I behaved today that I like and I am proud of. 

Recognizing ―what is‖ isthe first importantstep on your journey to the center of your heart. Because judgments are what keep usfromrecognizing ―what is‖ and compassionate understanding is the antidote to our judgments, we’llspend the next chapter learning to fully understand how to use compassionate understanding to move further along the path.