Calmness Energy

The energy of unconditional acceptance is calm. When you are calm, your emotions are not being blown this way and that by things like the nightly news or by a story your friend tells you about an injustice at her workplace. You do not get upset, threatened or angered. You don’t take things personally even though they might affect you personally.

It isn’t that you don’t care, but that you hear news and drama stories in a different way—without feeling emotionally walloped by them. Because you are not clouded by emotionalreactions, you are able to respond with clarity rather than reactwith judgment. Acceptingwhat is, without judgment, allows you to have a choice about how you respond, which includes the option not to do anything.

Over the years, I’ve had a number of friends ask me how to handle various situations that were going on for them at the time. You might have had this same experience. I learned that, even though I offered advice that each friend said ―made sense‖ and was ―the best way to go,‖ when they were in the moment of action, they handled theirsituations differently than what I had suggested. Sometimes they’d call me up afterward to relate the outcome. They would report that they didn’t handle the situation as they had intended, that they had no idea why they wound up saying words that ―just slipped out,‖ or that they somehow just couldn’t say or ask for what they had planned.

Rather than feeling insulted that my friends didn’t take my advice, I learned that each person’s experience is his or her own potential learning opportunity. I came to realize that maybe this friend will need to use this experience to delve deeper into why they believed they could not say or ask for what they needed at this time. I began to understand that I cannot change in others what I think needs to be changed. I can only provide them with, and be a model of, non-judgment, unconditional acceptance and love. I can only accept what is—and who they are or were at that moment. Accepting ―what is‖ means accepting the fact that we cannot change another; we can only change our selves. Should you feel insulted by a friend not following the advice you gave them, use your feeling as a signal and an opportunity to look into and resolve any self-blaming beliefs.

Each time we are not calm, we have the choice to explore, through unconditional acceptance, why we are not. We can ask: ―How do I move from non-acceptance to acceptance?‖ Actually, the first step to acceptance is to accept that we are not in acceptance. Next, explore the beliefs we have about being in non-acceptance. Do we believe that non-acceptance is the necessary energy needed for us to take action toward change? If so, question this belief. Ask yourself, ―Is non-acceptance the energy that actually energizes my actions?‖ Or, ―Could it be that love and caring are really my motivators?‖